Nerd Anachronism

you can tell
by the lines of my face
and the stains on hands
and the dents in my head
and my graduation plans
that I'm not the happiest of nerds

you can tell
by the books on the floor
and the notes I am taking
and I keep on taking more
and it looks like I am shaking
but it just a bunch of words

then again
I could have gone to industry or so they say
instead I took the GRE, but anyway
I don't think that they'd employ me
it's not the way I'm meant to be

its just the way that academics made me

you can tell
from the state of my room
and the grading I am doing
and the Ramen that I ate
and the undergrads I hate
that I've got some midterms to work through
there they go again
writing in red pen
make believing
what I said to them was just lip service
trying to convince me
it was accidentally on purpose

they won't think I'm serious
until I pass my qualifiers
I'd say it's enjoyable
but if I did I'd be a liar
I was taken out before the student loans set in
and now behold the world's worst graduate

I am the nerd anachronism

you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the thesis full of lies

that I'm not right now in class
there i go again
pretending that I'll pass

don't call the proctors cause
they've seen it all before
they'll say
just let me crash and burn, I'll learn

my advisor says attention just encourages me

and you can tell by the deadlines I've passed
that you're sorry that you asked
if my committee said we're good
like any decent people would
but they've all got tenure so don't touch
you'll start believing they're immune to suffering and stuff
don't get me drunk because the secrets will all come out

you can tell
from the smoke at the bench
that the funding state is critical

well it is
the little things for instance:

in the time it takes to write it up
they'll add a dozen more experiments
please excuse the unnecessary data
it's just the way the current payline makes us

I gave them my very best
but they said do it all again
and this time use the proper test
like PCA or GLM

ABD par excellence
removed from every consequence
behold the world's worst graduate

I am the nerd anachronism
I am the nerd anachronism
I am the nerd anachronism
I am the nerd anachronism

I'm the nerd ^ I'm the nerd ^^ I'm the nerd

I AM THE NERD ANACHRONISM!